Etiquette Of A Gentleman: Part 3

By Edward Chalmers

"People, like diamonds, have a basic market value, but it is only after they have been polished that the world will pay their real value."
- William Thourlby

Part I and Part II of the "Etiquette Of A Gentleman" series outlined how important good manners and gentlemanly behavior are to your professional image and social life.

Whatever the business or personal situation, your most valuable commodity is yourself. Practice all your best marketing techniques to attract interest and create a positive and lasting impression.

Here are some additional tips on how to gain a competitive edge by using etiquette to demonstrate that you are a true gentleman.
Courtesy & Consideration
Don't "kiss and tell"
Discretion, honor and integrity are of paramount importance in developing and maintaining your reputation as a gentleman. Details of your love life should remain private. Similarly, if a colleague has too much to drink at a party, be discreet. Never break a confidence and don't participate in unkind gossip.

Interrupt politely
Etiquette dictates that you should never interrupt, but that's not always practical. Interjecting your comments while someone else is speaking is definitely impolite, unless there is an emergency, or other good and valid reason. If you must interrupt or leave a conversational group, be sure to say, "excuse me" or "I beg your pardon." Being polite means treating other people's situations, opinions and feelings with respect.

Be prudently punctual
It's important to be respectful of people's time. Arrive on time for meetings, business functions and social events. If a meeting is dragging on later in the day than planned, a gent will ask if there are any time conflicts. A true gentleman also recognizes when it's time to leave a party.
Suave Communication
Practice good etiquette
Being courteous and respectful extends to how you handle your oral and written communications. Letters and voicemail messages should show that you are well-mannered and professional. In addition, practice e-mail Netiquette and cell phone etiquette.

Be a gracious guest
Thank the host at a social or business function. At a company party, always seek out and thank the most senior management in attendance, plus your own boss and the party organizers.

Remember to thank others and be PC...

Thank others
Send handwritten thank-you notes for any gifts you receive, whether they are from suppliers or clients, or even your great-aunt Martha. Thank your server at lunch, the doorman at your building and your colleague who brings in donuts. Recognizing other people's thoughtfulness demonstrates your good breeding.

Don't be politically incorrect
The difference between a gentleman and a boor is class. Show you have it. Avoid off-color jokes and gossip. A few cheap laughs at someone else's expense will tarnish your image, both socially and professionally.

Practice small talk
Whether you're at a wedding reception or business conference, how you make conversation will boost the impression of your refinement. Charming conversationalists mentally rehearse small talk on a variety of topics, avoiding religion, politics and sex. A gentleman listens attentively, making eye contact, showing interest and graciously drawing other people into a conversation.
Gallantry
Carry a handkerchief
Plan ahead. Have a clean handkerchief in your pocket, especially when you attend a funeral. It's also a great idea to have a hanky handy for a lady friend to dry raindrops or tears.

Share your umbrella
It's very gallant to offer your umbrella to a lady. On a chilly evening or if the air conditioning is high, your wife or date might appreciate the loan of your suit jacket and others will notice your thoughtfulness. However, this gesture may be viewed as patronizing in a business setting, so don't do it for a female colleague unless hypothermia is imminent.

Cough thoughtfully
If you're overcome by a fit of coughing or sneezing, excuse yourself and leave the meeting or dinner table for a few minutes. Return quietly and apologize again as you take your seat.

Pay the bill discreetly
When you invite someone for lunch or dinner, accept the bill discreetly and without fanfare. When you're the guest, you may offer to pay your share or to buy the wine but it is ungentlemanly to argue about who will pay the tab.

Maintain your social skills and be chivalrous with women...

Civility & Social Skills
Maintain eye contact
At a party, maintain eye contact with whomever you are speaking with. You may be the most well-mannered man, but if someone feels you're scanning the room for someone more important to talk to, your image will be shattered.

Make introductions
Show your good manners when introducing people by telling them more than each other's names. "Hal, I'd like you to meet Phil Brown, he's a pilot with Delta. Phil, this is Hal Black. He recently returned from the Gulf with the military." Many people have difficulty remembering names, and will appreciate your thoughtful manners if you say "George, you remember Alan, don't you?"

Engage people
Be gracious. Make conversation with those on the sidelines, particularly at business functions. Your good breeding and kindness will be remembered. Invite people to become involved, whether it's in a group discussion at a conference, a baseball game at the company picnic or a conga line at a wedding reception.

Follow the host's lead
At a business dinner or dinner party, don't sit until your host does, and don't begin eating until they have lifted their fork. Wait to drink your wine until your host proposes a toast or takes a sip. Do not smoke until everyone has finished, and then only smoke if it is clearly permitted and once you have asked permission of your tablemates.
Table Manners
Never speak with food in your mouth
No one wants to see what you're chewing or listen to you talk with a mouthful of food. If you're asked something and your mouth is full, signal your apologies and, if your dining partners are refined, they will patiently wait until you're able to reply. Unless there's a valid reason to wolf down your food and bolt from the table, eat slowly and converse with your tablemates.

Don't reach across someone
When dining with others, don't reach over; politely ask someone to pass the bread. When they do, take the tray or basket and offer the passer a piece of bread before taking one. If the bread is in front of you, pass it to the person beside you and, if they are knowledgeable about good etiquette, they will offer it to you before taking their own.

Put down your knife
Unless you're expecting an attack from a pack of marauding wild animals, put down your knife after cutting your food and before eating it. It demonstrates good table manners, slows down the process of eating and allows you more time to showcase your talents as a scintillating conversationalist.
Women & Chivalry
Open the door
In a business context, opening the door for women can be a contentious issue, so don't make it too obvious. If there are men and women in the group, hold the door for everyone. In a social context, a gentleman will always hold the door for a lady. In addition, go around to open the car door and wait there until she is seated.

Retrieve dropped items
When someone drops something, pick it up and hand it back, whether it's a glove, a file folder or a twenty-dollar bill. Make sure you bend at the knees, not from the waist.

Walk beside a lady on the stairs
Never walk behind a woman on the stairway, especially if she's wearing a miniskirt. Walk beside her or slightly ahead of her on the stairs. When exiting a subway station in a crush of people, a gentleman will avert his eyes from the thighs ahead of him. The same principle applies if you are walking on the streets; don't follow any woman you don't know too closely.

Walk on the outside of a sidewalk
This allows your lady to be farther from the traffic. This way, if someone is going to be splashed, it will be you, not her. I know, I know... but that's the price to pay if you want to be a gentleman.
uncommon courtesy
As author John Bridges says, being a gentleman requires "a little logic, a bit of forethought and a great deal of consideration for others."

Incorporate these tips, and the ones in Part I and Part II, into your daily routine. Think of it as a personal marketing program to showcase your finest features. Polish your professional and social image, and become recognized and remembered for being a chivalrous, gallant and refined gentleman.

Resources:
How to be a Gentleman , John Bridges

From http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_100/117_success.html;
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_100/117b_success.html &
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_100/117c_success.html